Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people… – Dale Carnegie

but…

Who amongst us doesn’t make sentences like the following when talking to others?

“What you say makes a lot of sense but this is what I have to say…”

How effective is such an approach? What would happen if we replace the ‘but’ with an ‘and’? As soon as the other person hears us say ‘but’ they start to tune us out and build up mental defenses. When we want to point out an error in another’s way of doing (or being) something, let’s do so as tactfully as possible.

life principles

23rd Dale Carnegie Principle: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Here’s a story from the book:

Charles Schwab was passing through one of his steel mills one day at noon when he came across some of his employees smoking. Immediately above their heads was a sign that said "No Smoking." Did Schwab point to the sign and say, "Can’t you read.? Oh, no not Schwab. He walked over to the men, handed each one a cigar, and said, "I’ll appreciate it, boys, if you will smoke these on the outside." They knew that he knew that they had broken a rule – and they admired him because he said nothing about it and gave them a little present and made them feel important. Couldn’t keep from loving a man like that, could you?

Daily Affirmation: Today I AM an ‘and’, not a ‘but’ kind of person!

Recommendation: How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is painkilling. – Dale Carnegie

begin with praise!

If we have to find fault with another and convey news that might not be palatable to their ego then how should we do it? We can start by genuinely praising the individual. This sets the stage to deliver the harsh truth. It opens the individual up to receive the truth about their actions. Let’s be practitioners of the ‘Art of Relationships’!

leadership principles

22nd Dale Carnegie Principle: Begin with praise and honest appreciation..

Here’s a story from the book:

A friend of mine was a guest at the White House for a weekend during the administration of Calvin Coolidge. Drifting into the President’s private office, he heard Coolidge say to one of his secretaries, "That’s a pretty dress you are wearing this morning, and you are a very attractive young woman."
That was probably the most effusive praise Silent Cal had ever bestowed upon a secretary in his life. It was so unusual, so unexpected, that the secretary blushed in confusion. Then Coolidge said, "Now, don’t get stuck up. I just said that to make you feel good. From now on, I wish you would be a little bit more careful with your Punctuation."
His method was probably a bit obvious, but the psychology was superb. It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

Daily Affirmation: Today I praise first!

Recommendation: How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie